On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
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She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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