I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
