i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
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just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
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And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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