I forgot how hot balto sounded
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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