yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
