I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
