So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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