Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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