walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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