dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
