.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
