Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
