found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
