I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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