I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
