I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
