i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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