a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
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It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
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How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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