I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.