You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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