my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
