Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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