so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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