worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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