Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
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I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
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No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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