alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize