im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
