I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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