My hand turned me down
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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