I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
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Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My day in three words: secret purse cake
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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