the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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