She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
