I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
