just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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