he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
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Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
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I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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