As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
