why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
