Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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