I feel great
I just peed on a car
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Houston, we have a squirter
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
