I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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