her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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