Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
