she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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