My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
