ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
