It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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