i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
