It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
