Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
