I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
