I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm too high and old for this...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
