im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
