And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
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Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
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I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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