I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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