I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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