I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I don't deserve a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize