Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
