My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Randomize
