I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
