The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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