So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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