Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
