My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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