it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
