i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
