Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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