TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
