Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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